Please read this article about Chinese parenting methods and share with the group your thoughts. I have many, but I'm not sure if I have the time right now to get them all out. I'll add things to the comments. I hadn't really intended for this blog to be about parenting issues because that's what my life is about 24/7 and I wanted to ponder something else, but this is honestly one of the most thought-provoking things I've come across in a long time. I came across it by reading this article first, which is kind of a rebuttal to the above link.
Part of the reason I think I'm so captivated by this topic is because my parents-in-law have been living in China for the past several years, and I've taken a general interest in the country because of that. I'm also into the nature vs nurture discussions about children, especially since having twins. Before reading this, I definitely assumed that Asian kids were genetically more academically inclined, and this is the first time that I have thought about the nurture side of the equation.
The idea of true confidence coming from perfecting something that a child would normally give up on seems a sound principle to me. When I think back over my life, the things that were really, really hard to accomplish are the things that still mean the most to me, and have probably become the things that have defined me more than just the interests that I've participated in. I think of my mission, my college degree, my musical accomplishments as things I'm truly proud of and the things like drama (which I was really good at and enjoyed, but which was not "hard" for me) as more of the "fun" of high school.
Something else I thought of was that Chinese mothers had a lot more ability to implement these strict routines because they have so few children. I just don't think that it's feasible with as many kids as I have.
My last thought was in considering who I model my parenting philosophies after. Certainly my own parents are foremost in my mind, and I'm surrounded by LDS and Western culture, but shouldn't we look to Heavenly Father as a model? What type of parent is he? If the scriptures are taken in their totality, I'd say he's been a little bit of both styles at times. Does this mean that he "changed" styles because his earthy children had different needs at different times in history? Was is in response to the cultures his groups of children had already established? With such different parenting styles and cultures around the world today, does Heavenly Father send spirits to the culture that they "need" as part of their eternal progression?
Share your thoughts ladies!
Katie, I haven't read the rebuttal article yet but I've been emailing with some friends about the WSJ article and these were my thoughts:
ReplyDeleteI actually think the book Ivey and I have read directly addresses this. A big part of the difference is a democratic society (where everyone has equal rights, including children) and an autocratic/dictatorship where there is some absolute power that everyone fully respects. It's not so much that Western parents "can't" be this strict I think it is more that Western kids simply won't take it. They might be forced into coercion but because they know/feel that they have an equal standing with adults in our society, but it seems likely that they would suffer from emotional distress somehow. While this auther lives in the US, I think that cultural tradition must trump enviromental pressures to adopt our value system and so her kids take it. At the same time, I don't think that Western parents can't have high expectations for their children. But I guess that all depends on what you value and what equals success. I do want my children to be able to play the piano but I'm uninterested in training a musical prodigy, so 30 minutes a day is totally fine with me. Very interesting article. Makes me thank my lucky stars I was born to nice Western parents!!!
The book I referenced is Children: The Challenge and I LOVE it. It's changed me. I highly recommend it, it's sort of a pre Love & Logic approach. Written in the 60's.